trading tips make my brain fry

So, I woke up this morning and thought trading altcoin could be a good idea. Right. I might as well try deciphering alien hieroglyphics. The buzzwords like ‘HODL’, ‘bullish’, and ‘FOMO’ sound more like some bizarre alien language (probably because I’ve yet to figure out what half of them even mean).

Anyway, after a pot of coffee, I decided to dive online to find out what it’s about. It’s just computer noise and colorful charts! How do these people even keep up without screaming into a pillow? The word is, beginners should, you know, ‘start small’. But what ‘small’ should I start with? It’s not like anyone gave me a Newbie Starter Kit (that would’ve been nice, right?).

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And don’t get me started on those chatrooms. Everyone’s throwing out numbers and I feel like the kid who brought a squirt gun to a water balloon fight. ‘Buy the dip,’ they said. What dip? I only see a stack of pizza that went stale. And then there’s the thrill of watching my first trade drop. I mean, do I hold or do I laugh till I cry?

Oh, I found a list of tips that suggests having a strategy, as if it’s as easy as writing a shopping list. So, I guess not winging it would be smart? Probably. But it feels more like gambling than trading.

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All this leaves me craving a donut and wondering who’s the genius who came up with altcoins in the first place. My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.